Past pain that can only shatter you
by MNLMFangirl
Summary: Old story that I found on my phone please keep note of that as you read, thank you. Sayu's kidnapped during the Kira case when L is still alive but not by Mello. She will be safely returned but what happens when a certain someone finally snaps unable to take it anymore? How will everyone else react and how will it end? Warning: Character death. Rated T for safety. COMPLETE!


L: she is strong I'm sure she will be ok until we can find her.

Light growls and glares at L.

Light: you don't understand. We must find her as soon as possible. Who knows what's happening. Send search parties to look for her and another to look for clues day and night. You don't understand. You don't get it but she is my only sibling and you don't understand what it would be like to lose your own sibling, the only one you have! You would never understand!

Lights words were met with silence. The task force and Light watches L waiting for him to speak. Light suddenly notices that L is shaking slightly, he couldn't tell if it was out of anger or sadness but he was slightly shaking from strong anger or sadness. After awhile maybe a minute or so of silence Matsuda decides to break the silence.

Matsuda: Ryuzaki-

L cuts Matsuda off and speaks his voice breaking slightly very very slightly.

L: No. You're wrong Ratio. It is you who doesn't understand.

Light: is that so Ryu-

L cuts Light off speaking like he was trying not to let his voice shake but it would shake every now and then for maybe half a second.

L: you don't understand what it's like to watch your own siblings disappear one after the other until they take you too. To watch your siblings die right in front of you while you're tied and unable to help them. You don't know what it's like to watch them be in pain over and over begging for it to stop and to be left alone.

L gets up from his chair and spins around to face Light who was behind him, he was fighting tears. L would not let Light even make a peep when Light opened his mouth.

L: then when the police find you the guy who killed your own siblings is gone and your own parents turn their backs on you blaming you for their deaths. Reminding you every day that your siblings are dead because of you.

L walks towards Light stopping once he's right in front of Light, his hands clench into fists.

L: your own father tries to kill you and your own mother cheering him on cheering for your death. To have complete strangers that your parents act like they are friends so you assume they are friends until they go to you and attack you doing whatever the hell they want with you to you. Your parents sit there and watching laughing at you. To go through it every day always going to sleep wondering when you're going to die, if you'll see tomorrow, when is it going to get better and when you wake you wonder what's going to happen to you today, are you going to die.

L watches the ground shadows falling over his eyes, continuing his rant or speech that seemed to have come out of nowhere and was unexpected.

L: Every day is like that until your parents die in an accident and you become an orphan in an orphanage that hates you and treats you badly. Then you find someone who will take care of you, someone who will adopt you after two years of always being left out of being adopted by a family. If anything it is you who does not understand Ratio. You do not understand what it's like to lose everyone you had ever cared about and to feel like you won't find anyone who you will care for. So I know that it is you who does not understand what it's like Ratio.

Light was speechless for about half a minute, he couldn't believe what he had just heard and was really surprised that L the one who keeps to himself would talk about his past. If it is his past. Light speaks as soon as he can get words past his lips instead of air.

Light: that happened to you. Didn't it Ryuzaki? If I had known that had happened I wouldn't have said what I did. I'm sorry.

Light truly was sorry and he felt guilty about what he had said about L not understanding because L did understand. He understood better than Light could have ever guessed and Light wanted to take the words that had caused Ls rant back so he wouldn't be standing here looking like a hurt child. Light tries to put a hand on Ls shoulder but L slaps his hand away.

L: don't touch me.

Light: Ryuzaki...

Light couldn't finish what he was going to say because L gave him a look that made his heart feel full of guilt. Ls eyes were misty with tears threatening to come out into the open and fall, his lips were in a slight frown, not to mention the sadness and the pain reflecting in his eyes. L wouldn't normally let his emotions show and wouldn't be so open especially about his past.

L: I need to go.

With that L turned and left the room closing the door shut behind him. The task force had been left speechless when L had started his rant, no one knew what to say because L, the emotionless world's greatest detective had just showed emotions and acted human for once. No one knew how to react, for how L had reacted wasn't the L they knew but a new L. A more human L. An L that was not the world's greatest detective that everyone knew but was a normal human L. L as a person not the robotic L that solved cases without an emotion to be seen. Oh Light was feeling so guilty, oh how guilty he felt. It was tearing his heart apart over and over again.

Light couldn't take his words back and he knew it but he would try to take them back, for even if he planned to kill L one day, he had started to feel caring towards the raven haired man. It was now where Light really cared about L so much that it hurt him to see L with a hurt look like the one he had before he had left the room.

But, none of them knew that L was sitting in his room. Alone, crying, sleeves rolled up showing hidden scars from his past and a knife in his right hand shakily getting ready to cut for the first and last time in his life. He paused a moment before he pierced his skin with the knife thinking about what he was doing for a minute then sobs. He lets the knife pierce his skin letting it take away all the pain and sadness L had kept bottled up inside his whole life since he was kidnapped.

Blood stains the carpet of the room and it stains the white sleeves of the shirt on the soon to be corpse. Tears left a trail down from the eyes to the jaw line of the raven man. The knife had been dropped and stained the jeans with a smear of blood along with the tear drops and drops of blood. Dirt and dust stained his feet and the blood drips onto the chest area of the shirt while the blood flows down the arms but also down the hands of the man. Hair was stained with a thin layer of film from not having a shower or bath in quite a while. His eyes were stained with emotions and tears. The only part unstinted was his lips that was curved up in a content smile.

He would see his siblings, the only ones that would ever care for him besides Watari that he would ever know about. He didn't think the others really cared about him but he was wrong, so very wrong. For more than just Watari cared about him.

The task force, Light, Misa and Watari have no idea what L had just done. The task force was getting over the shock and working to find Kira and Sayu. Light was inching towards the door that L had left out of, unsure if he should stay or go tell L that he truly was sorry and took the words that had brought up the unexpected rant up. Misa was out doing her job as a model and was at a photo shoot not even aware that something had happened back at the headquarters of the Kira investigation or that Sayu had even been kidnapped, Misa knew none of it. Watari wasn't aware of what had happened along with Misa, he knew that Sayu had been taken but L had asked him to go buy cakes and that was what the care taker was doing.

That was the end of L Lawliet, the worlds three greatest detectives, a man cared about throughout the Kira investigators that had seen his face and role model to Whammys house.

The task force wept for his death along with Watari and Light with the brunette feeling like it's his fault falling into depression letting Kira take over.

For this was the end of L but it was the begging of Mihael and Nate the next two in line to join the dangerous quest to catch the murderer Kira. Now that L was gone it was their time to come out of hiding and start their own Kira investigations. It was the start of the story of Mello and Near, M and N, the successors of L but that's a different story. A story that is not to be told in this story, the two stories are not meant to be together never and would always be separate from each other. So, here this story ends only to ever be the end forever.

AN:

This is actually going to be a standalone story as you should know what happens after this for the Kira case.

This is also an old story so I hope it's good.

Reviews are awesome and flamers will be used to make apple cider!

Mello.


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